Truth be told, before I became a mom I always said I wanted twins. For one, they run in both sides of the family. For two, I didn’t know what I was talking about! Then along came my first pregnancy. Just one baby. And how that one, single, sweet, 7 pound 9 oz baby TOTALLY wrecked my reality!!
Newborn babies are no joke. There were moments when I would cry in the shower trying to figure out if my life would ever be “normal” again. I didn’t think I would ever sleep a full night again. I didn’t think I would ever leave the house again. I wasn’t sure I’d ever wear makeup or brush my hair again. And in those quiet moments, that I felt so utterly unprepared and unequipped I thanked the good Lord that He knew me better than I knew myself. That he blessed me with just one baby at a time.
4 Years Later…
Fast forward four years later and I’m finally ready to try the whole baby thing again. Except this time my game face is on. I know what to expect. I know that I need to make it through the first 2 months and then I’ll sleep again when the baby starts sleeping through the night. I know that by 4 months, I’ll have the energy to blow dry my hair again. I learned many lessons that I refused to repeat with my second child.
So the day I saw those to two pink lines side by side on that positive pregnancy test, I smiled with confidence knowing that I was going to totally own this the second time around! I would not just survive newborn life, I would thrive.
My Birthday Surprise…
So on my 32nd birthday I walked into the OBGYN office for my 11 week appointment excited to see my first glimpse of my jellybean baby. My husband came along and we walked back into the darkened sonogram room. They asked me a few questions and then used the little wand and warm jelly to get the first peek at that little one.
The tech was able to get the heartbeat measured and take several images. But as she did her screen shots, she got a puzzled look on her face. Before I knew it she was asking if she could do a more thorough exam and I was getting a little freaked out. A few minutes later she smiled and said, “Yeah, that’s what I thought…..” She pointed to the screen and said, “Here is baby A and here is baby B.”
It was like a lump formed in my throat. Millions of thoughts started running through my mind at one time. First and foremost, I started to cry out of pure fear. All my insecurities rose from the dead and I glanced over at my husband who gave me two thumbs up and a huge grin.
It should have been a happy, exciting and joy filled moment but I honestly only felt afraid. All my confidence was gone. This was new and unknown territory! I was going to be outnumbered. I was going to have to learn to feed, care for and meet the needs of two tiny humans at one time.
It’s Okay to Freak Out…
If you have recently found out that you are having twins (or more), I’m writing this post to encourage you. If you are totally freaking out, it’s normal. It’s shocking news. It took me at least one month to process what was happening. I wasn’t until I got to my 20 week appointment that I was totally okay.
Here are some of the biggest things that help me leave fear behind and embrace this exciting journey!
Avoiding twin pregnancy books-
Mistake number one that I made was going straight to Amazon and purchasing a baby book about twin pregnancy. It’s basically 300 pages of risks, horror stories and terrifying realities. One of my favorites was the book that basically said that being a twin mom is totally unnatural. Yeah….thanks for that.
And while I’m all for being prepared, and I love learning, I don’t need fear and negativity to burry me during this season of my life. I decided that I would simply go with the flow, read about their weekly development, talk to my OBGYN and take it one day at a time. It has made huge difference in my peace of mind.
There have been many times in this 29 week journey thus far where fear has reared it’s ugly head. One of the fastest ways I put it to rest is to simply stop and talk to God. To tell him my fear, my worry and my insecurity and allow his peace to come into my heart. It’s not easy. I have to pray a lot sometimes. But when I do, peace does come… just like He promised.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 NIV
Talk To Other Twin Moms
In my life I have several good friends who are twin moms. They have been there, done that and bought the matching twin T-shirts. They are such positive influences in my life and regularly check on me and cheer for me. They encourage me and help me know what to expect. I can ask them questions and they give me answers.
With Facebook and other online communities these days, you don’t actually have to know someone in your own life that has twins. You can join private Facebook groups, forums and moms of multiples clubs in your area to find a place to be encouraged!
Taking it Milestone by Milestone
Honestly, I had to sort of put blinders on during this whole process. I had to “get through” each part to see the worries go away one by one. My first milestone was week 12 when I entered into the 2nd trimester and the risk for miscarriage decreased significantly. Then the next milestone was getting these kids to stay in through week 24 where if they were born that early that have a strong chance of survival.
You can also just take it appointment by appointment. Now that I’m at 29 weeks I’m going to weekly appointments between Maternal Fetal Specialists and my OBGYN. I get to see the girls on a weekly basis and get answers to all my questions far more frequently than with my single baby.
You Got This…Even When You Don’t Feel Like You Do…
I wrote this post because honestly, there is lots of negativity online when it comes to twin pregnancy and what I’m hoping you walk away with is more peace and encouragement. To know it’s perfectly okay and normal to NOT to feel okay.
But to let you know that it does get better. The shock wears off. Week by week you realize you do have it in you and that you will survive. At least that’s where I’m at and hope you take it one week at a time focused on the crazy blessings that are headed your way! Many women have done this before you and many will do it after you. You are strong enough and you will be okay.