Let me start with this hard question. If something happened to your spouse, would you have any idea where you and your kids stand financially?
I’ve recently come to discover that the answer for many married women is a resounding, “No.” Often followed by a humble, “I trust him.”
Many wives out there just don’t get involved in family finance. It’s kind of messy. The reasoning differs for each person from avoiding arguments, not enough time, or just not being a numbers person. Many women choose to check out of this important part of married life. I’ve done it myself.
This post is meant to encourage you to strengthen your marriage through financial unity. So ladies, it’s time to get all up in your family’s financial business. Here are three ways that financial ignorance can rob women of marital bliss.
1. You never really know where you’re at.
There is nothing wrong with totally trusting your husband. I totally trust mine. It’s not a sign of distrust to be a part of and fully aware of your family’s financial health. It’s wise.
Being in the dark about finances potentially leads to unbalanced spending habits. You might spend whatever you want, whenever, on whatever you want. On the other hand, you fear that you have no money so you are constantly afraid to spend on anything you may actually need.
Knowing where you are at can help you make wise decisions with the finances you do have control over. It might mean that you really don’t need to be spending as much as you do. It also might mean that you could actually spend a little more than you do now and free yourself from worry that your next purchase is going to bankrupt the family.
Some women never know where they are at financially because it’s how their husbands control them. That’s not healthy. If your husband regularly boxes you out and leaves you purposefully in the dark about your money situation, it might be time to seek a qualified marriage counselor.
I realize there are exceptions to these situations, like when a spouse has an addiction that could bankrupt the family. It’s wise to limit their access to family funds.
2. You don’t know where you are going.
Often when wives are unaware of family finances they may begin to worry and stress about the future. Do you worry about how much you’ll have for retirement, how much your kids will need for college or what would happen to you if you lost your husband? We all know that statistically women out-live men. Do you have a plan in place if that happens?
These are all tough topics and we don’t always like to talk about them, but you really should. Your future may be unpredictable but it isn’t un-plannable. Set up a date night and discuss together where your family wants to be financially in the next 5, 10,15 & 20 years.
Use these prompts to guide your discussion:
- What are your personal dreams and aspirations?
- What are your husband’s personal dreams and aspirations?
- How do those dreams fit into your financial future together?
Examples of dreams: One spouse staying at home, starting a business or traveling the world.
At the end of your dreaming conversation, ask your spouse to help you step into the reality of those dreams by seeing where you are at financially. Go through what you have, what you owe, life insurance and what’s saved for the future.
Don’t put off dreaming and planning TOGETHER. If you don’t both know the path and plan to your dreams, you’ll never be able to team up to achieve them. Don’t get to the end only to look back at your separate lives in regret. Instead get to the end looking back at what your teamwork accomplished with pride.
3. You feel powerless to help.
Many wives feel powerless when they live in financial ignorance. They don’t know how to help their stressed and burdened husband make financial headway in life.
You have something to give to your family’s financial situation whether you are a bread winner or stay at home spouse. Your knowledge brings you to a place where you can stop being just along for the ride and start being an active participant in positive change.
In my case, my husband and I got on the same page about financial planning in 2009. Because I knew how much money we made, what we owed and what we needed I was able to sells stuff, work extra jobs and cut back on the spending that I controlled to help our family pay off $93,000 in mortgage debt in 2 years.
That knowledge and tag team plan empowered me as a wife to pursue a goal with my husband which has brought us closer. We have not have a fight about money since the day we got on the same page about our goals. We sit down and budget together and I stopped being selfish about spending.
Get Involved
Knowing what’s happening in your financial life makes you a wife who’s empowered to make a difference in your family’s quality of life every single day.
Marriage is team sport. Your financial life should be too. Stop letting financial ignorance steal your marital bliss. Get in the game ladies. Do a budget together every payday. Decide on your goals. Talk about them regularly. Plan for your future. You are important to the health of your family finances!
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These are very true, and this should be a conversation that the two people are having with one another.
Michelle, totally agree! That whole non-threatening communication thing is super important. I would assume that most men don’t intentionally leave women out, but if the woman doesn’t ask to be in, he may assume that she’s okay with just kind of going with flow. Definitely agree with you.
Most women I know wear the financial pants in their families. Apparently that’s odd? I think it works best when both are on the same page about everything. There’s compromise and responsibilities to be shared, but both of you knowing where you’re going in your finances together is paramount.
In my life I would say it’s about 80/20- 80% of the women just kind of know- in general- what they can spend and 20% run the budget and number crunching. I think the compromise is super important and in my life I understand my responsibilities that lead to budgeting and financial success. Good thought!
In our case, it’s the total opposite. My husband was in the Navy for the first six years of our marriage, so I just naturally took over the finances. He still has no idea which end is up. I’ve been trying so hard to get him involved.
Mandy, thanks so much for taking the time share your story. I know many women who are natural accountants and they tend to take over most of the management and then the husband doesn’t have to think about it that much. I love that you try to get him involved and that’s super important that you try and encourage him to take part!
Great article! It is sooooooooo important for both spouses to know how to handle the finances. I love how you said, this is not a case of you trusting your husband or not. Definitely sharing this!
Thanks Tai! I really appreciate your comment and for sharing. I hope it will help inspire wives to get involved!