When You Feel Totally Defeated In Your Life
Last Saturday I walked confidently into my bathroom and prepped myself to step on the scale. That ritual includes using the restroom, removing my hair tie, brushing my hair and making sure that the weight I’m about to see is purely a reflection of my body mass.
It was 1.5 weeks into my 21 Day Fix program and based on the level of effort I put in at the gym and by sticking with my plan I knew that I was going to have at least a 3 pound loss putting me at 6 pounds down. With excitement I gave the scale a little tap with my big toe to wake it up. When it was ready, I stepped on waiting for those numbers to stop.
I felt like a contestant on The Biggest Loser except without the fear of Jillian breathing down my neck. When the number stopped I stared in dis-belief and did the only natural thing I could. I stepped off, reset it and stepped back on knowing it was an error.
The same number came up. It was the EXACT number I had seen just one week before meaning that I had not lost a single ounce.
What I did…
So I did what I do when I feel totally and utterly defeated. I marched down to my car with my 3 year old behind me who was grabbing as many super hero action figures as he could carry and yelling, ‘Mama can I take these?” Of course as soon as I got him strapped into the car-seat there was a melt down because he realized he had every major super hero and villain except for his Batman.
In my frustration, I simply got in the car and we drove to the local Starbucks for a grande…no wait…make that VENTI Caramel Machiatto. (Because 320 extra calories sitting in ice ALWAYS makes me feel better…insert a sigh of regret here.)
Here’s the truth. I let one, stupid, ion battery operated scale WRECK ME. Totally DEFEAT me.
How many times have you done this too? Let something small and insignificant totally DEFEAT you? Maybe it wasn’t a weigh in. Maybe it was a fight with your spouse. Maybe it was a review from your boss. Maybe it was a comment on Facebook or call from your mother. Maybe it was a parent-teacher meeting.
Whatever it was, did you find yourself totally caught off guard and laid out? Feeling for days like you weren’t sure you could recover, move on or feel happy? Like a knock out punch to the emotions that leaves you wondering what happened and how you got to rock bottom so fast?
Well ladies it’s time we put a stop to these shenanigans. Here are 3 ways we can work on avoiding defeat in the future. The emotional blows aren’t ever going to go away, we just don’t have to let them take us out.
1. Get Up Again…And Again….And Again
When something in your life knocks you down, it’s time to pick yourself up again as quickly as humanly possible.
If you don’t, apathy will set in. That means that you will decide it’s just not worth it and you just don’t care anymore. Apathy is the catalyst to defeat. It’s poison to your mind. You’ve got to pick yourself up again.
- When you’re doing everything you can to potty train your kid and he still won’t poop in the potty. Don’t give up because you’re kid will eventually get it.
- When you’re working out and eating healthy and scale doesn’t budge. Ignore it and keep doing what you know is right til the scale moves because it will.
- When you’re just not sure that you are cut out for nursing your child, accept that baby formula is a perfectly acceptable form of nourishment and keep moving forward.
- When you and your spouse fight about money for the 1 millionth time. Buckle down and work hard in whatever way YOU can to get on the same page about finances.
You’ve got to get down right stubborn about the speed bumps that come your way in life. You have to decide that you will pursue your goals and ambitions with consistency. 
2. Re-frame Your Situation
Ironically in my own weight loss situation I discovered that if I would have just waited another day or two to weigh in, I would have shown a loss. I should have simply re-framed the situation and said, “I know I’m doing what I need to do, change can’t help but show up if I keep after this.”
If you get into a fight with your spouse, re-frame the situation. What might be the root of your spouse’s stress or frustration? Is their job hard right now? Is your family needing more money? Typically marital fights are about really stupid things like toilet seats that are springing from other deep rooted stress or issues.
How can you look at the situation with a different light? Look at the situation from the other person’s point of view. Re-framing can put you in a positive mindset that keeps from marinating on the lies that your mind keeps cycling through.
3. Tag Team
Since we are rolling with this fighting sort of analogy I want to encourage you that when you start to feel DEFEATED call in help.
You know, like when a pro wrestler needs help, they tag in their teammate to help them carry on the fight.
- Read your Bible and spend time talking to God. Let Him fill your heart with that peace you know only comes from Him. I can’t get that peace from an iced Caramel Machiatto.
Philippians 4:6-7– Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (NIV)
- Go sit down with a therapist or counselor. Many people feel like it’s taboo to seek the help of a counselor. Like you must be crazy if you go see someone for help. The truth is that they are there to be a mediator, a sounding board and sage. Go in with an open mind and see what kind of external insight they give you of your life and what you are doing.
- Talk to a friend. If you have a close friend you know you can trust who isn’t going to judge you, talk to them. Tell them how you feel and see what kind of encouragement they bring your way.
Life just isn’t always easy and there will be times that you feel totally defeated. How you respond to those situation in life that can’t always control or can’t change without time will determine if they knock out emotionally or make you a stronger person.
What situations in your life often make you feel totally defeated?
Kim Anderson is the organized chaos loving author behind the Thrifty Little Mom Blog. She helps other people who thrive in organized chaos to stress less, remember more and feel in control of their time, money, and home. Kim is the author of: Live, Save, Spend, Repeat: The Life You Want with the Money You Have. She’s been featured on Time.com, Money.com, Good Housekeeping, Women’s Day, and more!